Calibration: Beneath the Surface

This series visually documents my recent cancer journey. The diagnoses of stage 1 breast cancer had the power to dominate every thought and emotion if I allowed it. Instead, I believe that God used the cancer to “calibrate” my life. These paintings reflect the impact of my faith, my emotional responses, and often the new significant relationships to things that previously held no particular meaning for me.

The palette and design elements are inspired by the medical facilities visited and equipment used during my treatment.  Much like how I often felt as I navigated this journey, the use of clear gesso leaves the grain of the wood panel raw and exposed.

The themes of my work have always drawn from deeply personal perspectives. This series is by far the most transparent and vulnerable. However, these works seem inadequate to express the magnitude of how this journey is transforming me to hold on to what matters and be humbled by what I cannot control.

This body of work is the continuation of exploring the journey of aging. While the series “Liminal” focused on the changes and decline of my body, these paintings use my face as the focus. My art wrestles with ideas of the passage of time and how it impacts my perspective on myself and how others view me. I explore the contrasting pull to both resist and embrace the meaningful and humbling journey of becoming a middle-aged woman. On the surface this series of works can superficially be categorized as self-portraits because my face is the subject, however, it is in itself the canvas that physically reveals the result and expression of this aging process.

Exploring my journey of aging and the grappling of lost youth, this series titled “Liminal” consists of collage and mixed media works on canvas and paper and is intended accompany the original dresses that provoked them. The dresses are characterized both by their glamour and gaudiness, and their sense of timelessness yet datedness. Although on the surface the works are self-portraits, they are meant to highlight the tension of past and present, probe the process of grieving and embracing as they delve into the struggle of feelings of irrelevance and a fading voice. Popular culture often celebrates the defining transition of youthful girl into womanhood but rarely gives much value and time to celebrate the adult woman navigating into her mid-life or senior years.

Inspired by the 1980’s homecoming and prom dresses my mother sewed for me, these 35+ year old dresses hold the memories of an American teenager growing up with misguided perceptions of beauty, adulthood, and status. The collaboration of my mother’s skills and my high school vision of fashion found the two of us spending hours searching for Vogue patterns, taffeta, and bolts of velvet while arguing over the inconsequential sizes of the bows.

The vintage and original design patterns that fueled my pursuit of beauty are in stark contrast to my current prescription medication packaging, most notably the Estradiol hormone patch; both design elements give precise instructions for use with hopeful results. My insecure teenage self understood little about womanhood while my middle-aged self attempts to embrace the insecurities of the natural progression of a decaying body and mind. Despite still fitting into these dresses, my body has aged and shifted. These dresses remain the same through the years but my body cannot. Which one has become more out-of-date and irrelevant? The dress? Or me?

Influenced by ideas from the Book of Ecclesiastes that life is a vapor, the “Liminal” series is my attempt to express the delicate, sacred, humbling, and beautiful human experience of growing old.

This series of paintings wrestles with embracing life transitions and how the heart is divided between the past and the present. The paintings depict the simple, small white flowers on my front porch as I began planting roots in my new (returned) life in North Carolina after 5 years living in Kosovo (Eastern Europe). During those 5 years, this specific mountain range surrounded me daily. Together this Kosovo mountain and the NC flowers explore the ideas of home -- my very recent past still looming as I attempt to cultivate a place of home for myself again in North Carolina. These paintings express the spiritual and emotional and very physical journey of reconciling those two places.

Similar to the K House series, these paintings are inspired by both architecture and the landscape of Kosovo. Again, these paintings focus on experimentation of compositions and color. These works consist of layers upon layers of both opaque and transparent paint to create planned and unplanned depth and texture. All works are oil on canvas.

These paintings consider the ideas of life — both in nature and man-made —- what do we consider evidence of life? How does the human condition represent “life”?

What began as the study of the formal elements of art inspired by the random and brightly colored homes I saw on a recent trip to the war-torn country of Kosovo, evolved into works that reflect a familiar relationship with a “Kosovo house.” Although all these paintings are not of the same house, the repeated structure in most of these works are of a particular house where I taught an art class to Kosovar students, and it therefore holds specific memories for me.

Just like a new acquaintance, this series focused on getting to know the obvious: the geometry of the architecture, color, and texture.  As the paintings matured, the “Kosovo house” became an intimate friend with a personality expressing different moods. It no longer needed all the details of windows and doors to identify it and therefore became more abstract.

The compositions are heavily determined by the open space that encompasses the structures. These works consist of layers upon layers of both opaque and transparent paint to create planned and unplanned depth and texture. All works are oil on canvas.

Color and geometrical shapes, are often used to create works that explore ideas that confront spiritual and emotional spaces. Experimentation with layers of paint, whether dry or wet, to create nuances in colors and hues. Fascination of how subtle differences in colors next to each other can produce various effects. These works consist of layers upon layers of both opaque and transparent paint to create unplanned depth and texture.

My adventures in teaching began as touring docent at the North Carolina Museum of Art in Raleigh back in 2011. During this time I taught students of all ages how to observe and enjoy art. My passion is to equip anyone of any age to enjoy art no matter if they "understand it or not."

On my first trip to Kosovo in the winter of 2013, I taught a two-week art class and was inspired by all the talented students in Mitrovicë. This experience helped shape my journey when I was an art teacher at the Kosovo Leadership Academy for 2 years.

In 2021 I returned as touring docent for the North Carolina Museum of Art.