What’s this painting about?

What’s going on in this painting?

My first phase of breast cancer treatment was surgery (lumpectomy to remove only the cancerous mass). This painting reflects the confronting of that surgery and the unknown results. How would it alter me?

The text on my torso is the traced handwriting from my surgeon’s original notes. With all the thoughts, emotions, prayers, and things that make me human, it was a disconnected experience as my surgeon explained the diagnosis, the surgery choices with factual and medical expertise. As he drew out his notes and the options, I felt as if my body was a flat map.

There was a range of mixed emotions facing the surgery and healing from it. Some of what came to the surface of my heart during this time humbled me and jabbed at my pride.

Wrestling with ideas of self sufficiency and not wanting to be seen as cancer statistic, I found myself fighting thoughts of self-pity and entitlement. Thinking I was strong, but really I was weak. All the dross that rose to the surface, that dross can be its own kind of cancer in my soul. And as it turns out, that stuff needed to be cut out of me too.

My paintings are the visual documentation of my life. They reflect my personal story and are often autobiographical. Processing deeply personal themes, the vulnerability of my work allows me to share an authentic human experience. Painting gives me a method to process my life as much as it gives me opportunities to have interchange between my inner and outer worlds. My art practice allows me to initiate conversations with those that connect to my work. My paintings are also in some ways my visual forms of prayer.